Expectations of others can change the landscape of our lives—if we let it.
Sometimes, those expectations are real; sometimes felt; and sometimes, perhaps, imagined. Regardless, pressures seem to be at every turn, and if we have gotten into the habit of pleasing people, we may be saying yes to others’ expectations without even realizing it…and without realizing that what we are doing may not really be what is best. As I heard a preacher once say, “There is good, better, and best.” Basically, what we are doing might be good, but it might not be what is best.
If we say yes or give in to everyone’s every desire for us, we can lose who God created us to be. The noise from the busyness that comes with the ‘yesses’, just may be too loud to hear God’s desire for us…and finding HIS will, and gaining HIS approval will be far more fulfilling.
The hardest people to say no to are the people we love the hardest because we most definitely do not want to disappoint them! The hope is that those we love hardest will love and respect us and our decision enough to understand when we need to take a step back. And sometimes, I might add, God’s will for our lives may not look like some audacious star, making it harder for others to understand. Just because they don’t see what we are doing, doesn’t mean we are not in step with Jesus and His will.
When I sit down to write an article, it’s usually been brewing for a while, whether it’s notes in my phone throughout a regular day, or time alone on my days off [that I have intentionally worked on not filling up entirely with places to go and people to see]. Sitting down and writing felt like something that “I” wanted to do, but felt guilty for taking that time ‘for myself’. I have finally learned that just perhaps, God is in those slow days like today as I sit here in my breezeway, celebrating in my heart, listening to a late summer thundershower…writing.
We can see this problem from way back when Pilate handed Jesus over to the crowd. Was it for pride, fear, or simply the pleasure of the people that he gave in?
“Pilate went outside again and said to the people, “I am going to bring him out to you now, but understand clearly that I find him not guilty.””
John 19:4 NLT
The expectations placed on him in his position was more weight than he could handle—he buckled.
Determining the motivation behind our actions can be key to moving forward and staying steady. I think it is likely related to perfectionism, fear, and pride…and maybe all rolled up in one…
•The fear and possible pride of not being perfect.
•The fear and possible pride of not being liked.
•The fear of letting someone down.
•The fear of the consequences of disappointing.
On a very real level, I experienced this lately. My first logical instinct was to say yes on multiple levels. In hindsight, I began to look at each commitment, and even possible commitment coming up. I analyzed each one trusting The Holy Spirit to lead me. I laid off several weights, risking that others might not understand. I was met with far more resistance and frustration than I had anticipated in not all, but at least one of those instances. However, I realized that what I was doing was committing to things I thought I was expected to do, thinking I’ll make myself follow through. Others’ expectations, whether real or imagined, had again influenced my first response.
Jesus said…
“For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.””
Matthew 11:30 NLT
https://www.bible.com/116/mat.11.30.nlt
Always trying to meet the expectation of others [or, people pleasing] can be extremely exhausting. Jesus’ words bring comfort and rest if we can learn to apply them.
I believe He is doing a new thing in me, stretching me and my faith steps…maybe He is in you, too.
““But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 NLT
You can bet on the fact that there will likely be those who do not understand your faith and your decisions, especially when those decisions go against the grain—or the grain of their expectations. But…
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
Galatians 1:10 NLT
My journey has been a process, but I see progression! Clearing my commitments and exercising caution with my responses has brought more freedom; and allowed for an unplanned / spontaneous, and uplifting breakfast and cup of coffee with my daughter at our local coffee shop last Saturday…
No expectations—just pure joy.
Simply Celebrate With Jackie 